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T3: Return of the B-movie is more like it.

I cannot express how... disappointed is not the word, as I had the lowest of expectations to begin with... confused I am by this film. Basically, I'm wondering where the $150m+ budget went to.

There's absolutely nothing spectacular about Terminator 3, save the fact that it actually got made. There is no logic in this movie (Arnold locks the back doors of a truck by putting a tire iron through it and bending it, then, after taking a beating really no vehicle would survive, the doors magically stay closed by themselves after the iron is removed). There is no characterization - machines aren't supposed to have character (and yet they laughably try to give Arnold character), and the pathetic attempts to introduce character to Nick Stahl and Claire Danes fail... they are characters with no character. The action is really TBS Superstaion come large, and some of the digital effects are as bad as the original Terminator film.

The plot of the movie comes 10 years after T2, and 5 years after Judgement Day was supposed to happen. Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton's role from the first two) is dead. Her son, and leader of the "inevitable" resistance, John Connor (played by Edward Furlong in T2, Nick Stahl here in T3.. looking an awful lot like Michael Beihn from the first flick) is keeping himself offline, that is until he wipes out on a motorbike and needs to dull the pain. He winds up breaking into Kate Brewster's (Claire Danes... just what the hell is she doing in this film, although she is the freshest and best aspect) Animal Clinic, just as the Terminator Ten (or T-X for short) and an obsolete Ahnuld model both arrive from the future, the first sent to kill, the latter to save. Doomsday 1997 was only postponed, John Connor's role as leader of the resistance will happen, the Terminator explains in the midst of looking for appropriate sunglasses and deadpanning tired clichés from T1 and T2 and groan-inspiring variances of those same clichés.

In fact, this whole movie is a wink and a nod at the successes of the previous two Terminators, and it comes ever close to being a self-parody. When the Ahnuld terminator arrives from the future (nude as the news) he winds up at a biker bar, like in the first, only this biker bar is full of ladies, and the only person that's a match for clothing is the male dancer on stage... a very over-the-top gay-for-pay guy who says to the Terminator: "Talk to the hand" (I was half expecting him to reply in droll, "Oh no you didn't"). After exiting with the man's clothes, he reaches in the pocket and pulls out his trademark sunglasses ... but wait! Those are his black-rimmed frames, they're Elton John glittery star glasses. Badumpbump Crash!

Aside from the plot countermining the purpose of the previous film, it also moves along at a snails pace, the action sequences are uninspired (well, the "chase sequence" was fun, but that's about all) and each ends with an accentuated gag such as "She'll be back" or "We need a new vehicle." The film has the same kind of feel as other "end of the world" kind of projects from the seventies like Beneath the Planet of the Apes, Soylent Green and Omega Man... only Arnold is no Charlton Heston... although both are equally laughable in their own right. I also wonder why this female terminater seems so less threatening than the Robert Patrick T-1000 from T2. There's really no level of suspense in this film, as ever instance where it slightly raises, it's undermined by some "witty barb" on the Ahnuld terminator's part.

An Arnold Schwartzenegger vehicle, these days, is just a bad idea. The man borders on self parody every time he opens his mouth. You can't take a lick the man says seriously, especially when he's straight faced. I can't believe he got paid millions for this film, and I can't believe this film cost the millions it did. Insanity.

In the end, it's a glorified b-movie. The kind that you would find sitting comfortably between the new Leprichaun sequel and the "reimagining" of the Puppet Master series. The only people that will really care about this film are die hard fans of the old ones, trying to convince themselves that this carries on James Cameron's legacy exactly how he'd want it.
Keep dreaming, kids.