here's a waste of oxygen: nabisco makes these animal crackers that are tasty and very addictive (i've resorted to calling them animal crack), but i've tripped over an ideological issue. does eating animal crackers this encourage carnivorous behaviour?

i realize the basic premise behind animal crackers is that they're fun shaped for kids and they can play with them, make them dance, interact, et cetera, but then, when the fun's done or when the hunger's too strong, into the mouths of babes it goes. and if they're feeling cruel, they can bite the heads and legs off. as well, the animals tend to be very exotic and exciting animals, implying a heavy top-of-the-food-chain riff for humanity (although i'm sure other animals like to eat animal crackers, but my theory train is starting to pile on too many concepts (would you eat a human cracker?)).

of course, i'm not saying that my lifetime of occasional animal cracker snacking has given me an appetite for gorillas or zebras (especially albino pygmy ones that crumble or dissolve in milk), but if you think about it, what does vegetarian animal crackers imply to a child? mapping the idea that eating meat is wrong because it kills animals and mixing it with eating animal-shaped food is okay can provide a breakdown with little thought (of course, then the question arises about how much animal is in animal crackers if there are vegetarian animal crackers, but this train is starting to derail).

this leads to my point: can vegetable-shaped crackers be the solution? sure, eggplants don't normally dance and talk, but neither do bears or giraffes (i think; i've only met a bear once in the wild. zoos don't count), so it's not that much of a leap. besides, look at the raw semantics:

• animal crackers: shaped like animals, not likely to made of animals
• vegetable crackers: not shaped like vegetables, made of vegetables, maybe animals
• vegetarian crackers: not shaped like vegetables (or vegetarians), made of vegetables (not vegetarians)

if animal crackers are shaped like animals, shouldn't vegetable crackers be shaped like vegetables? think of the marketing coup for PETA as children play with asparagus-shaped (maybe even flavoured) crackers, make the corncob dance, have the rutabaga talk with the artichoke ...all the while, encouraging vegetable consumption.

i'm phoning the patent office.
and a pharmacy. i hurt my head thinking.